Why is it so important to trust? And why can it be so difficult at the same time? Past experiences can block us from trusting someone, even though that might not be fair. Yet trust can be such a beautiful thing. So how can you trust that everything will be alright?
We usually have two choices in life. We can either be fearful and expect a negative outcome or we can be positive and trust the process. Of course the second option is the hardest, but it’s also the one that will make you the happiest.
When I look at my dogs I’m amazed of how easily they trust me. They both probably had bad experiences, since I adopted them, but they trust me either way. They trust I’ll feed them, walk them and give them my unconditional love. How do they know for sure? They can’t know for sure, but they just feel it’s alright (that’s what I imagine at least).
Animals are very special in that way, because us humans let bad experiences prevent us from a happy future. We can dwell on the past so much that nobody gets a chance to earn our trust. This makes it hard for any relationship to work wether it’s a romantic one or a new friendship.
So what is actually happening here? As for so many things we focus on the negative side of life. We waste energy on fear, uncertainty and worry while we’re at it. Why do we do that? I think to mentally prepare ourselves in case of a disappointment. But does that help? Did the time worrying really help us prepare for a bad outcome?
We could also do the opposite, even though that one is a lot harder. We can focus on positivity, have faith that things will work out and trust the process. And what do you do then? You let it go. You trust the process and let it go. Every time you worry you should stop yourself. Stop yourself and replace the negative thought with a happy one.
It will take some time, but you will save so much energy not worrying. And another benefit of focusing on things that will make you happy? It will instantly make you happier. Because when you think happy thoughts you generate good energy.
And if you’re ever in doubt, just look at a dog or cat or any pet for that matter. Do they worry? No, they don’t. They just live their lives and trust everything will be alright. So let’s do the same with ours.
Self-love might sound silly, but it’s actually extremely important. I believe it’s the key point to your happiness. Why do so many of us then struggle to do this? Is loving yourself really that much harder than hating yourself? And if so, how can you get to the point of self-love?
Everyone has this little voice in their heads. The one who’s convincing you are doing good or that you should do better. When it comes to what others say and what our own mind says we tend to believe the negative comments. Why not go for the positive words? Why do we easily accept it when someone (or ourselves) calls us a failure but we can’t do the same when we’re called a winner?
I think it all has to do with self-love. When I was younger and felt down I couldn’t deal with any compliment. I would it ignore it or immediately try to downgrade it. For example if someone complimented me on my dress I would respond that it was very cheap and I had it for ages. Why did I do that? I could’ve simply said ‘thank you’.
Another example is that you can’t forgive yourself for making a mistake. Actually either forgive yourself or accept it and move on and even better do both. Making the ‘wrong’ choice is part of your path and will lead you to the right path. So don’t hate yourself for being human. Instead love yourself for realizing you have to make another choice, one that will make you happier.
Perhaps you realize now you don’t really love yourself? Well that’s great. It means you can change it. The first step is to understand that you deserve better, that you can do better for yourself. The second step is to accept yourself for who you are. If you accept the core of who you are, only then you will get to the point of self-love. The third step is to focus on the positive side of things. Every time you have a negative thought try to imagine how it would sound if you change it to a positive one. Much sweeter, right?
Obviously self-love is a process and it won’t change overnight. However every day you practice self-love you will feel happier bit by bit. I talked about it before but I believe loving yourself unconditionally is the first step of everything. Only then you understand how others should treat you, only then you believe in yourself enough to follow your dreams and only then you will understand you true needs.
Keep on having difficulty with self-love? Try to name a few things you’re grateful for first thing in the morning. After that try to name for example three things about yourself that you’re grateful for. In the beginning it can be hard, but it help you shine light on your qualities. Everyone has them and so do you. Every step towards self-love is a step towards leading a positive and happy life. So what are you waiting for?
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Have you ever noticed how many times you say these words? ‘I have to go to work’, ‘I have to cook’, ‘I have to do whatever’. How does it make you feel when you say this? Lucky or obliged to do something? I’ve noticed the more I used these words the more pressure I was putting on myself. How can you change this?
First of all why would it be good to change your words of ‘having to do’ to ‘getting to do’? I think we channel a lot of energy into our words. Therefore it’s good to think of which ones to choose. Every time you say something it makes you feel a certain way. It could be neutral, but more often it makes you happy or not so happy.
A while ago I wrote about how stressed I was in my blog Relax and Unwind. It was a busy period at work and a busy period privately. During this time I was also going to the gym about four times a week and I ‘had’ to do a lot more things. The funny thing is nobody told me I had to do all these things. I was obligating myself to do it and if I would skip something I felt guilty and I felt like I failed. As you can imagine this made me feel even more stressed.
So I was the one who was adding more pressure. I did this until I broke and I was mentally exhausted. During my holidays in Turkey I thought of things I could do differently. One of these things is simply not saying ‘ I have to’. Rather than that I can say ‘I will do’ or ‘I get to’. It might sound silly and as if it wouldn’t make a difference, but trust me it does! If you tell yourself a hundred times a day (which I did) that you ‘have to’ do certain things it starts to feel like you really need to. And if you don’t? Well then I felt I’d let myself down, since I had to do this, right?
Of course this is something you don’t change overnight. I notice that at times I still say it a lot, but every time I do I stop myself. So I’m becoming more conscious of my choice of words. By doing so I’m lifting the pressure I’d put on myself. There is nothing I have to do, but it’s my choice to do it, which means I actually get to do these things. I get to go to work and I’m grateful I actually have a job. I also get to cook and I’m grateful I have enough food every day to do so. Try this and you notice it will make you look at your life differently. You will start to feel privileged and grateful instead of pressured and obliged.
Now that I’m practicing this new way of thinking I feel I get more room to breathe. Without this pressure I feel free and a lot happier. It gave me more energy to actually do all the things I always want to do without the obligation of having to do them. It even makes me feel less reluctant to do the chores I usually don’t like.
How can you practice this yourself? The first step is becoming conscious of when you are telling yourself you have to do certain things. Try to stop yourself every time you do. Once you realize you’re obligating yourself you can think of an alternative choice of words. The more you practice it the better it will go and the better you’ll feel. There are already plenty of things we have to do in this world, but the way you talk to yourself is free of choice.
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