Why won’t you be a dear?

What I’ve noticed from living in Canada, Spain and the Netherlands is that kindness is expressed differently in all places. On the other side kindness is universal and speaks one language. To me kindness also means letting other people live their lives. For example you don’t complain and are not bothered immediately if your neighbor plays loud music once.


How did I experience kindness in these three countries? Well I must admit the rumor about the Canadians is true. They are indeed very kind and easygoing people. No stress about pointless topics. My Spanish friends don’t stress easily either. If it’s not done today, it will be tomorrow. A social talk with a stranger is common and getting up for an elderly person in the bus as well. Complaining isn’t expressed directly there, although the police can be called if you throw a loud party. Trust me, that just happend to my friends and me once.

And even though I’m Dutch I was surprised to see how many people complain immediately about useless things back home. I guess you notice the differences better after being away for a long time. I learned that it’s better to just let it go. If you want to point out everything that is wrong, you’re finger is going to get tired from all the pointing. And I’m sure this happens in all countries and cultures in some way. Don’t be scared now, us Dutchies are very nice people too.

Perhaps it’s naive, but sometimes I feel that we forget we’re in this together. We share this world, our home, with each other. And what is needed when you live together? Comprises. Be nice, don’t worry too much and accept that everyone is unique. The way you think might not be exactly as how somebody else thinks. Both can be right. It’s just another point of view and not worth getting angry about.


What I do find difficult is how to deal with the negativity, since I simply don’t understand it. If you had two ways of looking through a window and there was an unwashed side and a washed side. Which side would you use? I think complaining works contagiously and I think being kind also works contagiously. So the choice is yours.

Something else to consider is we must think of how we want to be and see ourselves. Do you want to be the person who’s cranky all of the time? Or the one who never wants to help someone? And the key point here is to be honest with yourself. When you look into the mirror what do you see? Every day you can choose how you want to be. When you do, well why don´t choose to be a dear and hold the door. And if you can’t do that, then maybe you can be a deer instead.

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